Exercise: What do you think has affected your self-esteem?
- What do you think has affected your self-esteem?
- Are there any particular memories or internal images that come up when you feel down or think negatively about yourself?
- Whose voice do you hear when you criticize yourself? Whose face do you see?
- What words have been used to describe you when you have failed?
Exercise: How does your self-esteem affect your thoughts, feelings and behaviors?
- How do you, or people around you, notice your low or fragile self-esteem? Think about how you are affected by your self-esteem when it comes to your
- Thoughts
- Feelings
- Behaviors
Exercise: What would you do if your self-esteem didn't stop you?
- What would you have done differently if your self-esteem had been higher or more stable? Do you think your life would have been different if your self-esteem was not holding you back?
- What would you have done differently in the situations you identified in the previous exercise? Would you have dared to do something that you do not dare today?
Basic Assumptions
Summary
- Your basic assumptions are the core of your self-esteem
- Your basic assumptions determine your rules for living.
- The rules for living are often unrealistic for people with low or fragile self-esteem
- Your rules for living determine your automatic thoughts.
- Rules for living → Automatic thoughts → Emotions → Behaviour
- The two aspects of change:
- Become aware of your self-limiting beliefs and behaviors (reflection, mindfulness)
- Experiment with doing the opposite. What happens when you challenge your limiting beliefs?
Rules for living
- I have to perform to have value
- All my time must be spent on something useful
- I must live up to my full potential
Automatic thoughts, emotions, behaviors
- Thoughts: I am wasting my life, I am wasting my time, I am not living up to my full potential. I’m squandering my life.
- Feelings: Anxiety, stress, anger (towards myself), the opposite of peace
- Behavior: I engage in productive activities. If I’m tired, I push myself. If I’m hanging out with friends, I make an excuse to leave so I can work on something productive.
- I may also drink coffee, drink alcohol, use nicotine, internet-shop etc
- I also avoid taking breaks
Assumptions about myself and the world around me
- I am only worthy of love if I perform
- The world is a scary place. I need to do everything to prepare myself and the environment around me in order to be able to cope.
- I’m alone. I can only count on myself
Exercise: Challenging thoughts
- Pick a thought
- I am wasting my life, I am wasting my time, I am not living up to my full potential. I’m squandering my life.
- Examine evidence for and against the thought
- Evidence for the thought
- What actual evidence do you have that the thought is true?
- I emgage in unhealthy habits
- I watch entertainment when eating
- I do not face my fears to the degree I wish
- Most or the time, I am very unconscious
- I am 32 years old and I am still far from where I'd like to be.
- In what way is this evidence?
- It is evidence of my lack of wisdom. If I were more wise, I would recognize how precious life is, and savor every moment.
- It is evidence that I am distracting myself from what I believe is really important
- Do you think everyone would see it as evidence?
- No. Very few people would, I think
- Are you jumping to conclusions?
- Partly yes, some proofs are not grounded
- Evidence against the thought
- What speaks against your negative automatic thought?
- It must be a perspective I'm holding. I am quite alone in thinking this way.
- This thought is counter-productive. It makes me push myself harder, but that doesn't necessarily lead me any closer towards my desire
- Is there anything suggesting that the thought is not entirely true?
- It is true in the sense that I'm not wise enough. And I try to make up for that with brute-force.
- There isn't any universal law stating that in order to get the most juice out of life l, you have to do X, Y, Z. It is based on rules I have set for myself
- Is there something that you have disregarded in this context?
- What makes this perspective true? Just because I'm holding this position doesn't make it true. I have no idea about how the universe works. I am just acting on programmed mental patterns.
- Find an alternative thought
- Are there other ways to look at the situation? Could there be any other alternatives?
- Whatever happens is the best thing thar could happen. It's exactly what I need here and now
- I am doing my best. I can't expect myself to live up to unreasonable expectations
- I am missing that last 15%. But I shouldn't disregard for the other 85% of good things that I'm doing.
- How do you think others would view the situation?
- Isak has too high ambitions and expectations
- Why is he struggling so much?
- When your emotions are less strong, do you feel differently about the situation?
- Yes, definitely.
- What would you say to a friend in the same situation?
- Relax dude! You're doing more than 90% of the population, give yourself a break.dont be too hard on yourself. You're amazing, you need to acknowledge that!
- If you were to look back at the situation in 5 years, would you think differently about it?
- Yes. I think my aspirations were healthy. But not the way I'm punishing myself and suffering because I'm not living up to them.
Formulate an alternative thought:
I have high aspirations in life, and sometimes I don't live up to them. It's okay and doesn't make me any less worthy of love. By recognizing my good qualities and actions as well as being aware of the areas where I want to improve, I can treat myself in a more fair and supportive way.