INTRODUCTION

“Wealth is not his that has it, but his that enjoys it.” —BENJAMIN FRANKLIN (Location 403)

While there’s no denying that in many ways it is easier to be rich than poor, I have found that without exception it makes little difference what people’s outer life circumstances are—everyone struggles with some aspect of their relationship to money. (Location 418)

Many people find themselves stuck in a pattern with money regardless of whose advice they follow or how much time goes by. To make matters even more challenging, they may end up with a partner or family member whose values, fears, or financial tendencies irritate them. Old habits die hard. The person who has always felt poor goes on feeling poor and making decisions from a poverty mindset; the penny-pincher remains frugal, perhaps to the point of deprivation. (Location 430)

IT’S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY

One reason most people aren’t happy with their financial lives is that the ways we have traditionally been taught to deal with money simply don’t work. We are told to spend less, to save more, to think positive thoughts that will create the abundance we want, or to find the perfect career. We set goals, create budgets, put all the right insurance in place, write updated wills and estate plans, and invest in a certain way. Though important, these actions aren’t enough. The reason? They approach money from the outside in, rather than from the inside out. (Location 440)

Whether we hoard, splurge, or give it all away, we perpetually repeat ineffective behavior patterns with money because we are accustomed to specific states of being where money is concerned. (Location 444)

whether you have a seven-figure trust fund or a pile of unpaid bills on your kitchen table, the path to freedom requires that you focus more on your inner life than on your outer financial circumstances. (Location 456)

FINANCIAL PLANNER BY DAY, YOGI BY DAWN

KNOWLEDGE IS POWER

Inner wealth means: Freedom from the feeling of never having enough A sense of financial choice instead of constraint The sensation of abundance that inspires us to use money for the greater good The knowledge that we are connected, that our individual well-being is related to the well-being of our fellow humans (Location 533)

PART 1 The Nature of Mind

CHAPTER ONE YOU WILL NEVER HAVE ENOUGH

“Just a little bit more.” —JOHN D. ROCKEFELLER, WHEN ASKED HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH (Location 575)

In 1958, Japan had an average per capita income of about $3,000, an amount well below the present poverty level in the United States. By the end of the twentieth century, Japan was one of the wealthiest nations in the world, but still there was little discernible change in subjective well-being (a mere 3 percent increase over forty years). And in a survey of members of the Forbes 400 “richest” list, the world’s wealthiest individuals rated their life satisfaction exactly the same as did the Inuit people of northern Greenland and the Masai of Kenya, who have no electricity or running water. Obviously, we’re not that much happier despite our collective material progress. (Location 595)

THE WANTING MIND

It’s as if there’s a force outside of us compelling us to squander our capital, be it financial or spiritual. This force is known in several Buddhist traditions as the Wanting Mind. The Wanting Mind is always craving an experience different from the one it currently has. (Location 607)

The Wanting Mind’s whole reason for existence is to strategize and fight for a different future. It exists on the premise that what we have right here, right now, can’t possibly be enough. (Location 611)

We all like to point fingers at the overspenders and insatiable materialists as the culprits, the real money addicts. However, in my experience, the Wanting Mind plagues everyone, from people on the lowest rungs of the socioeconomic ladder to the most aware spiritual teachers and the wealthiest members of society. (Location 620)

WIRED TO WANT

Nothing in modern society is as closely tied to our survival as money. Is it any surprise that when we find ourselves wanting to buy a new pair of jeans, a portable DVD player, or a vacation we’ve been longing for, we exclaim, “I’ve just got to have it!” as though our very survival depended on that one purchase? Even though our rational minds know it isn’t the case, the Wanting Mind attaches a certain life-or-death urgency to objects we crave. (Location 630)

IF ONLY

Almost everyone I’ve ever met, whether rich or poor, has at one time in their life had an experience of not having enough money. ... When most people turn off the TV, lie down in bed, or try meditation for the first time, they are aghast at how many thoughts are running through their heads, how random they are and how distracting. If you remain silent and pay attention, you will find this theme of “not enough” in so many of your thoughts. (Location 658)

DETACH

Whenever you can in the coming days, take a look at your thoughts through this lens: Is this thought happy with my life, right now, just as it is? If not, what is it trying to get me (or others) to do in order to feel a sense of “enough”? (Location 689)

IN THE FLOW

Most of us have been fortunate enough to experience moments of incredible connectedness, be they with a lover, in nature, in solitude, or through great art and music. ... But these states, as beautiful and pure as they feel, can also fuel the Wanting Mind if we’re not careful. Why? Because all states of mind are impermanent; after a time, our thoughts return and we feel disconnected again. (Location 693)

BUT IT FEELS GOOD!

In the second yoga sutra, an ancient text created long before stock markets or even paper money, the sage Patanjali explains that excessive attachment is based on the assumption that the object desired, once attained, will create everlasting happiness. When an object satisfies a desire, it provides a moment of happiness. Because of this moment, our mind makes the possession of objects very important, even indispensable. (Location 716)

THE FINANCIAL TOLL OF WANTING

Whether it is more stuff, more security, or even just more free time that we crave, too many of us fall prey to our Wanting Mind’s endless desires. (Location 737)

DIMINISHING RETURNS

What we fail to see is that much of the magic of the first time happened because we were in a state of not-knowing—what Zen Buddhists call a “beginner’s mind.” In other words, we had few, if any, expectations because we had never been to the restaurant before. By contrast, when we return, we have many expectations. Without any conscious effort, our mind is comparing, which is not all that different from looking for problems. (Location 746)

There are diminishing returns to almost all of our spending. (Location 750)

THE MORE WE WANT, THE MORE WE WANT

The mind lures us into this behavior pattern by telling us that the more we want, the more we’ll get, and the more we get, the happier we’ll be. The truth is that the more we want now, the more we’ll want in the future. (Location 766)

In reality, the amount we water the seeds of desire today will dictate how much larger and thirstier the plants of desire will be tomorrow. (Location 769)

FINANCIAL PLANNING AND GREAT INVESTMENT ADVICE WON’T GET YOU “THERE”

WHAT ARE YOUR HEARTFELT GOALS?

If we don’t take the time to distinguish between desires and heartfelt goals, it doesn’t take long after the achievement or acquisition of a desired object for your mind to spin into wanting to make even more progress. (Location 827)

WANTING BETTER INVESTMENT RETURNS

Most individuals are at the mercy of their Wanting Minds’ constant chase for the next “hot” fund, which causes them to trade too much. (Location 856)

The massive increase in household debt and the dearth of retirement savings in the United States over the last twenty years is also a direct result of the Wanting Mind. Unfortunately, our collective inability to delay gratification through purchases and our inability to apply more discipline to our investment decisions have become an epidemic. (Location 858)

AT WAR WITH YOURSELF

When you say, “It is this way but I want it to be that way,” you are fighting with what is. This kind of thinking is like going to war with your own life. In addition to the negative financial consequences of this vicious circle, focusing on what you want and don’t yet have takes a tremendous amount of energy away from just being. It’s actually quite exhausting. There is another way, a way that requires the courage not to follow your wanting impulses in a knee-jerk fashion. (Location 869)

LETTING GO

As you go through your day, see if you can identify and let go of just one impulse of wanting. ... Do this exercise at least once a day for a week—it will take less than a minute each time. Do it no matter how small the item: a donut, a new CD, a gift for someone else, or even an impulse to check on or make a change to your investments—anything that involves money. Just notice the impulse of wanting, and jot it down. (Location 882)

NOT WANTING

Many spiritual teachers have spent their lives examining how the Wanting Mind functions. Adyashanti, a California-bred teacher and author steeped in the Zen meditation tradition, says that the primary pleasure we experience from getting something we want is that in the moment we get it, our wanting stops. For once, we are just enjoying something as it is, be it a new piece of art, a remodeled house, or a new dress. (Location 905)

But in giving the credit for our contentment to the object itself, we miss the point. If we really look at what’s creating our happiness, it’s not the meal, the vista, or the new watch; it’s actually the temporary power these objects have to keep us from wanting anything else. (Location 909)

“The simple act of reflecting, the simple act of pausing to consider, to reason, can have an impact.” —HIS HOLINESS THE DALAI LAMA AND HOWARD CUTLER, MD, The Art of Happiness at Work (Location 912)

For a brief moment, we’ve stopped wanting anything other than what we have. Another way to say this is that we have given up trying to change our experience. (Location 916)

But as most of us know all too well, no matter what brings us to this state, the desireless state is itself impermanent. (Location 919)

If we look carefully and honestly, we are able to see that the happiness we feel when we get what we want comes from the absence of wanting. If we could experience the same absence of wanting regardless of whether we buy something we crave or not, we would be able to fully accept our present experience and not seek happiness from the objects or experiences we crave. That way, our deepest selves and not our Wanting Minds would be in control of the important financial decisions that will either contribute to or undermine our true freedom. (Location 934)

WHAT YOU WANT

When it comes to your finances, what exactly do you want? Set a timer for two minutes and begin making a list, where each item on the list begins with “I want…”. Your list need not be limited to material possessions. It can include nonmaterial yearnings like a desire for early retirement, more childcare, or time to write a novel, anything affected by money. (Location 946)

At the end of two minutes stop writing. Now go down your list and imagine that you actually have every one of the things you listed, (Location 951)

Close your eyes and notice how it feels to have each of these things. Does your pulse calm? Do the muscles in your stomach relax? Are you breathing a little easier? It’s an amazing feeling, isn’t it? A feeling that you have arrived. However, that wonderful sense of contentment is impermanent. (Location 954)

What’s the point? It’s not the stuff on your list you want. It’s that feeling you want—that freedom from wanting. The tragedy is that you may get everything you listed and more, but that delightful, peaceful feeling of having arrived won’t last if your Wanting Mind remains in charge. (Location 958)

CHAPTER TWO THE UNCONSCIOUS WINS EVERY TIME

“One of the pitfalls of childhood is that one doesn’t have to understand something to feel it. By the time the mind is able to comprehend what’s happened, the wounds of the heart are already too deep.” —CARLOS RUIZ ZAFON, NOVELIST (Location 969)

WE GET WHAT WE THINK WE DESERVE

“CHAPTER ELEVEN”

Consider the following statistics: Seventy-eight percent of NFL players are bankrupt, divorced, or unemployed within two years of their last game. Estimates show that about one-third (33%) of lottery winners file for bankruptcy at some point after their windfall. Despite their tremendous financial success, entertainers Burt Reynolds, Kim Basinger, Gary Coleman, Mike Tyson, Debbie Reynolds, Michael Jackson, and MC Hammer have all filed for bankruptcy. (Location 993)

It is only when you understand what your unconscious mind believes about your financial lot in life, and what it believes is going to make you happy or safe, that you have a chance to change the tale you’re constantly replaying in your head. (Location 1005)

YOUR CORE STORY

This idea of the Core Story is explained in slightly different terms by Thich Nhat Hanh. This prominent Vietnamese Zen Buddhist monk says it’s as if each of us had a basement in our mind in which we’d stored hundreds of movies. Most people replay those same movies over and over again in their minds: movies about how things should change to make us happy, about who is to blame for our pain, about what’s wrong with our life. The astounding thing is that the more we replay each movie, the more the events in our life begin to resemble the plot of that movie. (Location 1009)

For many, the replaying of movies does not happen by choice or even in the conscious mind. It is often just the subliminal track that accompanies our life. But conscious or not, you won’t change your overall relationship to money unless you learn to watch your most-played movie with the objectivity of a film critic rather than the inherent biases of the film’s producer, writer, director, and main character. (Location 1017)

THE SCRIPT IS WRITTEN

This movie, our Core Story, is so powerful that it leads us to manifest the outer financial circumstances with which our unconscious is most comfortable. (Location 1022)

Why can’t we change our financial behavior patterns and attitudes more easily? The answer is that until we understand our Core Story, it pretty much runs our financial show. (Location 1031)

For almost everyone, the Core Story operates behind the scenes, out of the limelight of our conscious attention. We may have conscious desires and thoughts about the financial life we say we want, but if our Core Story is not deeply examined, the unconscious mind will get its way every time. (Location 1036)

LOOK WITHIN

The following questions will prompt you to better understand your Core Story: (Location 1073)

What is your most painful memory related to money? If no painful memory comes easily to mind, focus on the earliest memories you can recall about money, perhaps something you saw a parent or a school friend do with money. If you could put your response to this memory into the most childlike words possible, and make it short enough to fit on a bumper sticker, what would that response be? (For example, “Save money so you won’t go hungry” or “Money is for helping others.”) What story did you begin to tell yourself about money early on? (Location 1074)

What is your biggest fear about money? Often, our fears fuel our Core Story. Think of your fear as a beacon that exists to point your attention to what is unconscious, and therefore very powerful, within you. Perhaps you had a fear of winding up in the gutter or of people hating you because you were rich. What experiences in your financial past may have contributed to your fear? If you have no obvious fear, do you feel greedy for more even though you have enough? Or do you feel just plain confused when it comes to money? Whatever your core feelings about money, ask yourself this: How have your past experiences contributed to these feelings? (Location 1078)

What were you taught was most important about money? What were your parents’ biases and values? Did you adopt them or rebel against them? (Location 1083)

When have you been most positively or negatively moved by money? Was it when you bought your first toy with your own money? When the game you’d been eyeing for months was given to your sister instead of you? When your parents finally gave in and bought you that bicycle you’d been whining about for months? When you shared your ice cream money with a child less fortunate than you? Think of joyful experiences or times of incomparable pleasure, status, power, or generosity. What role did money play in these experiences? (Location 1084)

Asking these questions will help you begin to identify and understand your particular Core Story, and to eventually loosen its grip on you. (Location 1088)

THE SEEDS OF THE CORE STORY

Our Core Story is the mind’s attempt to defend us from pain and suffering. (Location 1091)

There is frequently great intelligence in a young child’s strategy to either copy or rebel against what is being modeled for him or her. However, most adults have lived for decades by the rules and beliefs of their Core Stories, never questioning their validity, how they came to be, or whether these strategies are creating real happiness. It’s as if we’re living in an adult body with the financial agenda of a child. (Location 1105)

YOUR STORY AT WORK

All Core Stories have some element of wisdom and truth in them. They do work and have worked for us in the past, so they should not be dismissed out of hand. Enjoyment, frugality, innovation, generosity, recognition, and creativity are all healthy components of various Core Stories. But if we cling to them with intense, unquestioning conviction, or if we believe there is only one right way to be with money, we are likely to be governed by a force that will not bring us true financial freedom. Indeed, this clinging is what creates the most imbalanced and destructive financial behaviors in our culture, including overspending, chronic debt, workaholism, financial illiteracy, miserliness, and co-dependent relationships. (Location 1143)

MY MONEY HISTORY

We often have more than one Core Story, so please don’t feel pressured to find the one. Just write about whatever comes up for you first. (Location 1150)

One of the most significant financial experiences of my life was when___________. This led me to feelings of___________ (try your best to use single words such as: anger, joy, sadness, frustration, envy, rage, hopelessness, confusion, ambition, or shame). After that, I told myself that I would always/never________(with money). I believe that one of my Core Stories with money is__________. (Location 1152)

Our relationships to money are complex, but in my experience it is often the most basic fears that drive our financial choices. (Location 1161)

TO THE VERY CORE

Pretty much everyone’s financial circumstances are determined by their conditioning—that is to say, the experiences and “movies” that have been recorded throughout their lives. (Location 1164)

Part of the reason the Core Story is able to retain so much of its power is that most people focus on external financial changes as the keys to happiness: (Location 1167)

A critical first step to being released from the grip of our Core Story is to dismantle our beliefs about money and reclaim the feelings these beliefs have been protecting us from. By having the courage to face the seemingly intolerable feelings, we can start to see our irrational reactions and defenses more clearly. (Location 1180)

The good news is that the process of facing the motivation behind our Core Story is never as scary as it seems when we are stuck in our Core Story. (Location 1183)

NO QUICK FIX

Because of the fierce power of the desire to survive, coming to understand your Core Story is not a quick fix. (Location 1193)

Many authors and experts assume that just by becoming aware of your Core Story, you will be able to free yourself from it. My experience is that even after you gain powerful new insights about your Core Story, it takes great skill, intention, and perseverance to lessen the hold of our unconscious conditioning. (Location 1196)

We are all affected by our conditioning until we die. It’s part of being human. Just like yoga, prayer, meditation, physical exercise, intellectual learning, or watering the seeds of love in a marriage, cultivating financial awareness is a lifelong practice that can yield incredible results. (Location 1201)

PART 2 The Eight Financial Archetypes

INTRODUCING THE ARCHETYPES

No matter who you are, you come to your financial life with remarkably unique life experiences, all of which have conditioned you to respond to money in particular and sometimes peculiar ways. (Location 1213)

Archetypes can be thought of as energies within us. They are not personal but more like collective patterns that are manifested within us and recognizable in others. The value of defining these archetypes is that they give us a basis for understanding how we got the financial life we have today, as well as a plethora of tools with which to create the financial life we most want. (Location 1219)

Many of the most successful people I know are a combination of at least three or four types; in fact, everybody is a combination of more than one. (Location 1231)

the optimal human being would be balanced among all eight of these archetypes. (Location 1234)

THE GUARDIAN is always alert and careful. THE PLEASURE SEEKER prioritizes pleasure and enjoyment in the here and now. THE IDEALIST places the greatest value on creativity, compassion, social justice, or spiritual growth. THE SAVER seeks security and abundance by accumulating more financial assets. THE STAR spends, invests, or gives money away to be recognized, feel hip or classy, and increase self-esteem. THE INNOCENT avoids putting significant attention on money and believes or hopes that life will work out for the best. THE CARETAKER gives and lends money to express compassion and generosity. THE EMPIRE BUILDER thrives on power and innovation to create something of enduring value. (Location 1237)

We generally understand and appreciate the way our own archetype behaves, and feel like people who exhibit other behaviors are from a different planet. (Location 1271)

Every example in this book occurs on a regular basis with ordinary people you might meet at a gas station, in the supermarket, or at a family reunion. (Location 1277)

OUR STORIES CHANGE

The archetypes are presented not as a categorization system to be fixed in stone, but so you can tease out what might be affecting your financial life on an unconscious level. (Location 1281)

Identifying the archetypes that are most active within us is an important step toward creating true financial freedom. By bringing conscious awareness to what is unconscious, we can attain balance and a sense of control over our financial destiny. (Location 1293)

CHAPTER THREE THE GUARDIAN

“Now that all your worry has proved such an unlucrative business, why not find a better job?” —HAFIZ, SUFI POET (Location 1299)

Guardians have many positive qualities that, if utilized well, can serve to protect not only themselves and their families but society as a whole. (Location 1334)

THE GUARDIAN’S CORE STORY

Whatever their real financial situation, Guardians are afraid, very afraid, of something going terribly wrong. Their Core Story often involves a doomsday scenario of one type or another. Some Guardians focus on an apocalyptic world crisis like terrorism, global warming, Y2K, nuclear weapons getting into the wrong hands, or deficits. Past fears may have been founded or unfounded, but accompanying their current fear is often the refrain “This time it’s going to be even worse,” whether they’re focusing on the crash of 2000–2003, accounting scandals, 9/11, Enron, the war in the Middle East, or how the United States will compete with China and India. (Location 1383)

Some Guardians are highly effective with money. They learned at some point in the past that the best way to deal with their anxiety is through saving, frugality, and (very conservative) investing. (Location 1390)

being on guard and worrying can be helpful; it can make us alert when we’re proceeding down a perilous financial path. (Location 1394)

However, most Guardians worry excessively given their financial situation. They experience an unhealthy amount of fear, anxiety, or trepidation about money, even though they may not consider it unhealthy, distorted, or excessive. Whether it’s justified or not is not the point. This excessive worry clouds their judgment, often causing them to make poor financial decisions and to experience a great deal more suffering than necessary. (Location 1396)

You’re probably a Guardian if: Your financial decision-making style falls into one of two extreme camps: (1) you feel frozen, unable to make financial decisions even when you think they’re best for you, or (2) you make financial decisions only after excessive analysis. You are focused on financial doomsday scenarios, whether for the world or yourself, hence you analyze what-if scenarios much more than most people do. You abide by certain fear-driven rules like never having debt or only living off your interest and other income in retirement—never your investment principal. (Location 1400)

Your emotional responses and level of worry are out of proportion to your actual financial circumstances. For example, you might obsessively worry about having enough to pay your bills even though you’ve never actually had the experience of not having enough money to pay them. The fear of making the wrong financial decision is more painful than the hope of making a good decision is satisfying. (Location 1405)

WHAT THE GUARDIAN FEELS

Most of the other archetypes in this book will be described in terms of the thoughts or beliefs that make this type of person feel secure or happy with money. The Guardian, however, is identified more by what he feels than by what he thinks. (Location 1410)

“Most people are much more afraid of living than of dying.” —ADYASHANTI (Location 1414)

SEEDS OF THE GUARDIAN: SURVIVAL MODE

Virtually everyone in Western civilization has at least one starkly painful memory related to money—what I call a money wound. In fact, the original money wound may have occurred as we were being born. In his recent, posthumously published book, Finding Clarity, spiritual teacher Jeru Kabbal describes the universal experience of leaving the soft, nurturing womb of our mothers and going “from paradise to shock” in just a few minutes. ... Even though infants have no concept of money, on a sensory level this experience may well be the seed of all financial anxiety that arises later in life. (Location 1430)

Usually before the age of fifteen, other money wounds occur. (Location 1436)

Fear about money is, at its root, the fear of not surviving. (Location 1439)

What separates the Guardian from other archetypes is that Guardians haven’t created enough emotional safety to really thrive and enjoy their lives. They’re in an anxious emotional state much more of the time than others are, or they are so “burned out” from worrying that they feel somewhat numb emotionally. (Location 1448)

HOW TO RELAX

It is virtually impossible to be fearful or anxious with a relaxed solar plexus and belly. (Location 1465)

THE GUARDIAN’S MONEY MANTRAS

My money is going to run out because__________. There is going to be a world disaster or major change that will result in___________. My investments are too_____________. I (or my husband/wife/child) spend(s) too much. If I stop working, my life will fall apart. If I’m not vigilant, I (or someone else) might make a mistake that could ruin me. (Location 1494)

THE PAYOFF

the action we take from a worried or anxious state rarely leads to any type of lasting inner peace. More commonly, Guardians just exhaust themselves to the point where there’s no energy left with which to worry, until the next time. (Location 1503)

THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO

CHECK YOUR IDEAS AGAINST REALITY. (Location 1555)

NOT UNTIL THE WORRYING CHILD FEELS DEEPLY UNDERSTOOD WILL ANYTHING CHANGE. (Location 1560)

THE GUARDIAN NEEDS TO KNOW WHEN IT’S OKAY TO FEEL UNSAFE OR HE WILL FEEL UNSAFE ALL THE TIME. (Location 1568)

DO THE RELEVANT RESEARCH AND ACTUALLY MAKE THE CONCRETE CHANGE(S) (Location 1573)

NEVER EVER MAKE FINANCIAL DECISIONS IN THE MIDST OF INTENSE EMOTIONS. (Location 1579)

CHAPTER FOUR THE PLEASURE SEEKER

“Nothing lulls and inebriates like money: when you have a lot, the world seems a better place than it actually is.” —CHEKHOV (Location 1590)

THE PLEASURE SEEKER’S CORE STORY

More than anything else, the Pleasure Seeker believes that money is to be used to enjoy life. (Location 1607)

Above all, the Pleasure Seeker’s purchases are for sensory enjoyment. They want to see, hear, taste, touch, and smell the fruits of their money. They tend to reject intangible assets like savings accounts in favor of tangibles like vehicles, homes, and gadgets. Though others might spend a lot of money, no one enjoys the things they spend money on more than the Pleasure Seeker. (Location 1611)

Pleasure Seekers are often described by their friends and family as people who “really know how to enjoy life.” (Location 1615)

As they go through life, Pleasure Seekers in particular become hard-wired to believe that: more money = more pleasure = more happiness (Location 1621)

You’re probably a Pleasure Seeker if: (Location 1638)

You save less than 5 percent of your income. (Location 1639)

Your debts exceed your assets, perhaps because you’ve purchased multiple items on credit. (Location 1640)

Your investments, if you have them, tend to be in vacation homes, art collections, fine wines, jewelry, restaurants, or other collectibles. (Location 1642)

You regularly engage in “retail therapy” when you’re feeling low, spending beyond your budget on items that are not necessities. (Location 1643)

Your spending on luxury items creates tension in your relationship with your spouse or partner. (Location 1644)

SEEDS OF THE PLEASURE SEEKER—“WHY SUFFER?”

THE PAYOFF: DEATH-DEFYING BUYING

A big payoff for Pleasure Seekers is that, in focusing on bringing themselves enjoyment above all, they don’t have to look at the void—the painful feelings of emptiness that from time to time arise in all of us. By filling up this void with things that bring them pleasure, Pleasure Seekers don’t have to ask themselves the difficult questions that might otherwise arise—about their life’s purpose, whether they are living according to their values, or what their pleasure seeking is protecting them from feeling. Perhaps pleasure-seeking behaviors with money even mask a fear of dying without having fully lived. If this is the case, pleasure seeking is, ironically, far from life-affirming. (Location 1672)

WHAT THE PLEASURE SEEKER FEARS

What drives Pleasure Seekers’ spending behavior? For the most part, their surface-level fear is that one day there might not be enough to keep enjoying the good things in life. (Location 1679)

The nature of these underlying fears varies greatly by individual, but to be sure, if you feel a wave of resistance arise within you as you contemplate not buying something you want, chances are that your intended purchase is anesthetizing you to a deeper feeling. (Location 1695)

WHAT HAS MOTIVATED MY RECENT PURCHASES?

Whereas early hedonists believed that pleasure is the highest good, a later school headed by the Greek philosopher Epicurus, while accepting the importance of sensory pleasure, equated it with the absence of pain. The Epicureans taught that pleasure was best attained through the rational control of desire. (Location 1705)

make a list of the big-ticket items you’ve bought—and by big-ticket I don’t only mean expensive, but also things you wanted badly: 1.___________ 2.___________ 3.___________ Then, for each item, answer the following questions: Why did I buy this item? How did I feel before I bought it? How did I feel after buying it? Do I still feel that way? If not, how long did this feeling last? (Location 1707)

What fears or other difficult feelings, if any, can I get in touch with that this purchase protected me from experiencing? (Location 1714)

As you acknowledge these feelings, ask yourself this: How might you find real antidotes to the pain of these uncomfortable feelings, as opposed to sedating yourself with extra pleasure? (Location 1730)

THE DARK SIDE OF PLEASURE-SEEKING: BUY NOW, PAY (BIG) LATER

Though many Pleasure Seekers blithely declare that they have a healthy relationship to money because they truly understand that life is not about the money, in its unhealthiest extremes it is fear that truly drives Pleasure Seekers: fear of deprivation, fear of facing uncomfortable feelings, or even fear of death. (Location 1733)

Anytime we are driven by fear and compensate with excessive desire, we create imbalance in our lives. (Location 1746)

Many Pleasure Seekers find themselves in conflict in their romantic relationships, relationships where the Pleasure Seeker is spending more than the couple can afford. (Location 1775)

Debt is the natural result of unchecked pleasure seeking, and it is America’s dirty little secret. (Location 1776)

Consider the following statistics: Total consumer credit: $2.5 trillion (Federal Reserve; June 2007). Thirty-six percent of those owing more than $10,000 on their cards have household incomes under $50,000 (VIP Forum). Average credit-card interest rate: 14.57 (BankRate.com; August 2007). Number of credit-card holders who declared bankruptcy in 2005: 1.3 million (Motley Fool). (Location 1779)

Not only does pleasure seeking put you at risk of ultimately not being able to enjoy much at all, but at its unhealthiest extreme, it’s a knee-jerk, Pavlovian response that robs us of personal choice and power. (Location 1804)

Pleasure Seekers can benefit from redefining the things that bring them pleasure. To allow new loves to surface, nothing is better than a little voluntary simplicity. (Location 1822)

One of the ways to break the pattern of satiating your every wish is to ask yourself whether what you are buying truly serves your values. (Location 1824)

Pleasure Seekers need to make a paradigm shift, finding different ways to experience pleasure in their daily lives. (Location 1841)

ONE THING AT A TIME

In your everyday life, learn to resist the mind’s tendency to jump and shift, seeking a better experience through things you buy or do. When you eat a meal, chew your food a little bit longer, and don’t talk. When you walk through your city or town, pay attention to your breathing, and notice how your senses respond to the people and things you encounter. When you talk with someone, listen deeply, noticing their expression, their words. When you do something, “be with it”—give it your full attention, putting aside for a time all thoughts of what’s next on your agenda. Allow your senses to relish the world around you, just as it is. When your experience is pleasing to the senses and you give it your full, undivided attention, the joy you experience will be multiplied many times over. Full attentive presence enhances pleasure in a way that money never can. (Location 1872)

CHAPTER FIVE THE IDEALIST

THE IDEALIST’S CORE STORY

More than any other archetype, Idealists are against money. They may also feel like outsiders in middle-or upper-class business and social circles, and feel shame and embarrassment regarding financial matters. When they think about money, they have a visceral negative reaction. (Location 1912)

Their thoughts may run something like, “Money is the root of all evil,” “I’d be a sellout if I had more money,” “Money isn’t happiness. Money is what’s in the way of happiness,” “The system is corrupt. Corporations and government are immoral and are controlled by the wealthiest one percent of the country.” Those who are ashamed by money may feel, “How can I have so much when others have so little?” “If I were truly interested in a better world, I would share more of what I have.” (Location 1914)

Even if it’s not conscious, Idealists’ aversion to money often contributes to an unbalanced and unsatisfying financial life. (Location 1918)

The Idealist archetype includes many social activists, spiritual… (Location 1919)

Idealists bring intense focus to their vocation, the cause they fervently believe in, or the spiritual path they have chosen. They may, however, be confused about their financial needs and their true current financial condition. Even if they live frugally, managing their sparse income and few expenses, a lack of financial ease often forces them to take jobs they… (Location 1920)

Idealists may dream of a windfall that will somehow come when their work finds broad recognition. But though they are averse to money itself, they are often caught in a cycle of wanting just like anyone else, even if what they want does not involve their finances. The stress they feel when it comes to money only reinforces their strong aversion. Money itself, and not the way they relate to… (Location 1923)

“A friend was visiting me and he said, ‘Why do you have such a sour face?’ I said, ‘Well, I’m… (Location 1927)

Idealists don’t always come from poor families. Sometimes, people caught in this archetype are financially dependent on money they didn’t earn, be it the earnings of a spouse, a stipend from their parents, a divorce settlement, an inheritance, or credit-card advances. Because we live in a culture that values independence, those Idealists who are not financially self-sufficient usually experience a fair amount of guilt and a great deal of insecurity, even… (Location 1933)

You’re probably an… (Location 1938)

Your primary vocation is artist, musician, or entertainer, or you work for a nonprofit. You don’t earn enough money to file a tax return, or you do earn enough but choose not to file. You rely on others (from your past or present) for much of your financial support. Your investments are primarily in small businesses, individual… (Location 1939)

If you invest in stocks, they have been socially screened to eliminate some combination of tobacco companies, environmental polluters, weapons manufacturers, nuclear power, alcohol manufacturers,… (Location 1943)

You are more likely to give five dollars to a person on the street than to give… (Location 1946)

SEEDS OF THE IDEALIST—“THE EYE OF…

Idealists are, as the name implies, highly idealistic. Often their views about money have an ideological justification,… (Location 1949)

People operating under this archetype have often taken a vow of poverty, symbolically speaking, and it is… (Location 1951)

Some Idealists wish that they could return to a simpler time or some idealized culture in which money did not play the same role as it does in our society. They may feel a solidarity with the poor and, if they begin to earn money, experience a feeling of disloyalty or hypocrisy that leaves them unsettled. (Location 1956)

“MONEY JUST SUCKS”

Just as Savers turn to saving and Pleasure Seekers to spending, Idealists use their convictions to protect them from feeling pain. (Location 1964)

When someone doesn’t earn enough money to care for themselves, they become financially vulnerable because they must behave in “acceptable” ways toward the people supporting them or their very livelihood may be cut off. This is hard for Idealists, who are in many ways rebels. Often this vulnerability is too deep and scary to contemplate consciously, but it nevertheless creates great frustration. (Location 1964)

Keeping on top of finances is hard work and not necessarily that interesting. But Idealists are generally so gifted in or attracted to another area of life that they’d much rather focus their intelligence and passion on their vocation than on money. They derive much more pleasure and fulfillment from their “real work” and often believe it represents their contribution to the world and, as such, inevitably calls for financial sacrifice. (Location 1986)

HEADS IN THE SAND

Not all Idealists are poor, but most choose not to deal with money in some central way. A fair number of Idealists are not financially dependent on someone else. There is also a large class that actually has a substantial amount of money of their own, but like Margaret, generally feels guilty, ashamed, or otherwise burdened by it. (Location 1991)

For some Idealists, the focus on doing what they love and believe in leads to an abundant livelihood (indeed, as mentioned above, some Idealists hope for fame or recognition for their work that might result in wealth, but see that possibility as a happy accident, not something to plan for). (Location 1995)

THE SKEPTIC’S LENS

Leaving aside for just a moment the ways in which you believe “the system” to be corrupt, turn your attention to yourself. What is it that you might not be seeing about your relationship to money? In what way is your relationship to money contradictory or even hypocritical? If you’re an Idealist with a substantial amount of money that you didn’t earn, how would your life be different if you had earned the money yourself? Would your beliefs about money, or the way you treat it, be different? How so? (Location 2006)

Is your lack of attention to what it would take to be self-sufficient truly serving your art or cause? If you had more money, imagine for a moment all the good you might do with it. List the ways money could serve your ideals. (Location 2010)

THE PAYOFF

the people I’ve seen who are most effective at bringing about change have created balance within themselves, so that they’re not living in opposition to what needs improvement in the world. (Location 2052)

“Resentment is the act of stabbing yourself repeatedly in the heart with a knife and hoping the other person dies.” (Location 2057)

BREAKING FREE

Ask yourself this. Is your conviction worth the price you’re paying in your financial life? Will you be more or less free to express your ideals if you’re financially unshackled? (Location 2076)

SOME THINGS TO TRY

HOW DO YOU REACT TO MONEY? Think about or write down three ways of completing this sentence: “Money is__________.” What reaction do your answers produce in your body? In general, are you attracting or repelling money (as well as freedom, peace, compassion, and perhaps even creativity) with your beliefs? (Location 2081)

GET THE FACTS. For almost every Idealist I’ve met, trying to track spending, figure out how to get out of debt, or set up an investment program without some help is bound to fail, or at least be unnecessarily frustrating. There’s just too much aversion to dealing with money. But you don’t have to manage your finances alone. If necessary, hire a bookkeeper or make a barter arrangement with a friend who is good with figures and tracking spending. Empower them to point out your blind spots, set up automatic debt repayment and savings programs, or dole out the cash you can spend each month. (Location 2086)

INQUIRE. ... First, write down all your judgments about money. Be as petty, non-spiritual, and unbalanced as you want in your statements. ... Then sincerely lead yourself through the following inquiry about each of your thoughts: Is it true? Can you be absolutely sure that it’s true? How does it cause you to react when you think that thought? Who would you be without that thought? (Location 2090)

CHAPTER SIX THE SAVER

“Money is emptiness. When people who have money are trying to get ultimate security from the money, it’s just impossible.” —TSOKNYI RINPOCHE, TIBETAN MEDITATION TEACHER (Location 2119)